I recently heard the term “cruel optimism” used on a podcast, and I decided to learn a little bit about it. It was coined by the late cultural theorist Lauren Berlant to describe when people form attachments to beliefs, objects, or relationships that are ultimately detrimental to their well-being.
Frequently, people become attached to a particular vision of the future, a desired outcome or way of life, even when it is unlikely to be achieved or may be actively harmful. This attachment creates a sense of optimism that becomes “cruel” when the desired outcome is not achieved, or when the pursuit of it leads to harm or disappointment.
For example, someone might be optimistic about their career prospects as a musician, writer, filmmaker, dancer, basketball player, or college professor, despite the limited job opportunities in these fields, and then continue pursuing their career goal for many years. As their optimistic vision of the future is not realized, it becomes increasingly “cruel,” sucking the positivity and joy from their life, hindering their ability to adapt to changing circumstances, and blinding them to alternative sources of meaning and satisfaction.
Addressing cruel optimism can be difficult and complex, but it’s not impossible. Here are some approaches that others have suggested:
- Identify the areas of your life where you may be experiencing cruel optimism.
- Reflect on the beliefs, desires, and attachments that are fueling your cruel optimism. What are you hoping to achieve or gain through this attachment? What is the desired outcome that you are attached to?
- Consider the potential harms or risks associated with your attachment. What negative consequences might result from pursuing this attachment? What are the potential costs of not letting go of your attachment?
- Practice self-compassion and kindness as you explore your attachment. Recognize that letting go of a deeply held attachment can be challenging and may involve grief, loss, and uncertainty.
- Explore alternative sources of meaning, satisfaction, and fulfillment. Identify other areas of your life that can provide a sense of purpose and joy, and begin to cultivate these areas.
- Seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional if you need help in addressing your cruel optimism. Talking to someone else about your attachment can help you gain perspective and insight into your situation.
Parsing the line separating grit and persistence from cruel optimism is difficult. On the one hand, there are so many stories in the culture about people who stuck with it and after many years of struggling finally realized their dreams. Indeed, grit and persistence are core qualities of success in many fields of endeavor.
On the other hand, there are also many stories about people who abandoned a cherished and long-held dream, only to realize a different amazing dream after opening themself to other possibilities. So depending upon the circumstances, adaptability can also be a core quality of success.
That’s why confronting cruel optimism is challenging. It takes time, effort, self-awareness, self-reflection, and a willingness to explore uncomfortable thoughts and emotions. But ultimately, this process can lead to greater freedom, resilience, and well-being.